How to Get Back in Touch With Yourself After Becoming a Mom

December 5, 2023

Estimated read time: 12 minutes

You're not alone. Finding yourself again after giving birth is a thing.

Becoming a mom is life-changing. You suddenly go from you — a whole identity you’ve spent your whole life building — to mom.

Something that you don't realize during the entire 9 months of pregnancy is that after you give birth, you are about to meet somebody new, but it's not your baby, the new person is YOU!

It’s incredible, yes, but it can also make some women lose their sense of identity. When you’ve spent your whole life focusing on work, love, friendship, and discovering what makes you happy, you’re suddenly plunged into a world of breastfeeding, diapers, non-stop cuddles, and sleepless nights.

Having an identity crisis after becoming a mama is actually pretty common. So, if you’re feeling like this, you’re not alone.

Getting back to your identity postpartum can take time. You will need to reconnect with yourself after becoming a mom and rediscover yourself after having a baby. And we’re here to help you get back in touch with yourself after becoming the amazing mom you are.

In this article we will discuss:

How long does it take to feel like “you” again?
Adjusting while breastfeeding
Discover and love the new you
The new you is amazing mama

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How long does it take to feel like "you" again?

Being a mother is wonderful, but it comes with a number of changes.

Remember when you could just lay on the couch all day binging on Netflix? Or make last-minute plans for dinner with your Breast Friends? Or just sleep when you felt tired?

Yup. Us too.

You were in control of your life. Well, mama, you’re still in control. Things are just a little different. You have to consider your little one’s needs as a priority, and you might feel like your needs and wants are at the bottom of the list.

Fully recovering from childbirth and pregnancy can take months, but some women can feel like they physically recover by six to eight weeks. Having said that, it can take a long time before you start to feel like yourself again. In fact, you will likely find that you will be rediscovering yourself as a mom and embracing your new identity in motherhood.

So, why do we lose our identity after becoming a mom?

There are a few reasons. Some of the most common include:

Your life now revolves around your baby. Your daily routine changes and everything becomes about the baby. From breastfeeding to mountains of laundry, it seems like a far cry from how your life used to look.
Your looks may change. From your beautiful new postpartum body to spending time on your makeup and hair and choosing cute outfits. Suddenly it’s all about scraping your hair back because you haven’t had time for a shower, and choosing cute outfits for your cute little milk monster.
You’re suddenly alone with your baby. Now, we don’t mean alone alone. You have your little one, and your partner, friends, and family are still there, but your days, especially the early days, are spent in a newborn fog when it can feel like it’s you and your babe all day, every day.
You might have left your job or be on maternity leave. You might have spent years building your career, and suddenly, you no longer have it (permanently or temporarily).
You’ve lost your freedom. This can be a hard pill to swallow. Not being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, is a huge change that can make some mamas feel like they’ve lost the person they once were.
You’re exhausted! Motherhood can zap your energy like no other. You’ll be sleep-deprived and operating on just a few hours daily.

Now, yes. These are all big changes. And they can impact how you feel about yourself and your life. But remember mama, nothing lasts forever. You will find yourself again postpartum as you are navigation self-identity changes in motherhood.

Our little ones grow up so quickly; before you know it, they start wanting independence. They grow. Head to school, college, and quicker than you can imagine, that little bun who used to hold your Boobs hostage will be all grown up.

But that doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself, now or in the future.

Adjusting while breastfeeding

Breastfeeding can be one of the hardest struggles new moms face when it comes to retaining their identity. You are adjusting to motherhood while breastfeeding.

In the early days and for the first few weeks, your little cutie might be permanently attached to your Boobs. Cluster feeding can take over, and those growth spurts can feel like they go on for eternity.

Preparing yourself for any separation can leave you with mixed feelings. The thought of having some time alone can be exhilarating, but you might also be feeling apprehensive and upset about leaving your baby, even if it’s just for a couple of hours.

You might worry if your baby will be hungry or scared without you. Or that they won’t take your expressed milk in a bottle. We get it mama. But with a little planning and preparation, there is no reason why you can’t have some “me time” and breastfeed. It is possible for balancing your identity and breastfeeding.

How to get time away from baby while breastfeeding

We understand how important your breastfeeding journey is to you, and how hard you have worked to establish your milk production and your routine. However, there are times when you’ll need to be away from your baby, and a little time apart can be so good for you.

Here’s how to get time away from baby while breastfeeding.

Get familiar with your pump. Whether you’re an exclusive pumper or a “just in case” pumper, before making plans to head out for a while without your little one, it’s important to get comfortable with pumping. That means knowing how to use it and stocking your freezer and fridge with enough milk to cover you while you’re apart from your baby.
Ask whoever is looking after your baby to have a go feeding them before you leave. It’s important to make sure they and your baby are comfortable.
Feed before you go out. Even if it’s just an hour to grab a coffee with a buddy, nurse your little one before going out.
Learn how to hand express or bring a portable pump. Just in case you’re out longer than you thought and your Boobs start feeling a little full, it’s a good idea to express on the go.

Discover and love the new you

Before being pregnant and having your beautiful baby, you might have spent your days working, traveling, hanging out with your Breasties, and going on romantic dates with your partner.

While all of this is of course still possible after having a baby, it can make things harder. And the things that you once prioritized in life are now at the bottom of your list. After all, you’ve just created life. And that precious bundle in your arms and clamped to your beautiful Boobies now relies on you for everything.

The transition from who you used to be to who you are now can be a tricky road to navigate. But that doesn’t mean you must leave that incredible person in the past. She’s still there. You might just have to work a little hard and have a little patience to discover her again. But in time you will begin embracing the new you as a mom and you will discover the amazing new you.

Becoming a mom shows you how capable you are of loving someone, and how much strength you have by caring for them. It’s empowering and beautiful, but it can put you out of touch with yourself.

Loving the new you after baby is one of the steps to your self-love journey in motherhood. Here are some ways you can get back in touch with yourself after becoming a mom.

1) Take care of you

It’s so easy to neglect yourself after becoming a mom. You spend all your time thinking about what your baby needs and any thought of taking care of yourself disappears. But mama, if you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be able to take care of your little one. You need to give your baby the best of you; the only way to do that is to be kind to yourself.

If you have a village, reach out to them. Even if it’s as simple as your Breastie, sister, or mom coming over for a couple of hours so you can take a nap, have a shower, or get some odd jobs done. If you’re struggling, let your partner know. They’re as much as a parent as you are and taking care of your baby is as much their job as it is yours.

2) Schedule YOU time

Building self-love as a new mom can take some planning. Choose a day and a time every week and set it aside for some alone time. Speak with your partner to make sure they’re around to be there with the baby and enjoy some time with yourself. But be protective of this time. Don’t let it pass week after week because something came up. Time for yourself is precious and that small break every week can be so good for your mental health.

3) Connect with your people

Your friends, family, and partner; these are your people and it can be so easy to let relationships slide after having a baby. Sometimes the best way to reconnect with yourself is by spending time with the people you love. The people who were there before you had a baby. Try and factor in a date night once a month with your partner and stick to it. Do the same with dinner or coffee with your Breasties. If it’s a scheduled date then it might be easier for family or a sitter to help with the baby.

Remember, you need these people and they need you. Make time to be with them.

4) Make exercise part of your routine

We all feel the pressure to “bounce back” after having a baby. But you carried that sweet little bundle for nine months, and your body is amazing. While there is no need to get back into your pre-pregnancy jeans immediately after giving birth, a little daily exercise can help you feel better. Take time to incorporate some gentle exercise into your daily routine. You could start going for daily walks or jogs with your little one in their stroller, join a baby-friendly class, or just do a little yoga or workout at home when someone else is there to watch the baby.

5) Dress up for yourself

Sure, it’s easy to wear sweatpants and t-shirts every day, especially when you know you’ll just wind up being covered in spit-up and poop, but rediscovering yourself can sometimes be as simple as dressing as you did before having your baby.

Pull out your favorite clothes, or buy some new ones that make you feel great. Then spend a little time putting on the make-up you love and get your hair done. Seeing yourself looking gorgeous can boost your self-esteem and reconnect you to who you were. And we bet you look hot mama!

6) Don't compare yourself

One of the annoyances that can come with motherhood is our way of comparing ourselves to others. Let’s make a pact to stop doing this Breast Friend. We can never be content with who we are or what we have if we’re constantly comparing ourselves to Laura who got her figure back a month after giving birth, or Hayley who loves to let us know how her baby already sleeps through the night.

Look at who you are and what you have and find gratitude and acceptance in it. Motherhood does change us, but not for the worse. You have so much to be thankful for, and you’re such an incredible person, and you need to recognize that. You will likely experience personal growth in the postpartum period. By embracing the new chapter in motherhood you will find that transforming after having a baby can be a beautiful thing.

Just remember, it’s totally possible to be a wonderful, full-time mama and still have a life outside of motherhood. You can’t give your best to your baby or your family if you keep losing yourself.

The new you is amazing mama

At some point in this journey called motherhood, every mama feels a loss of identity. We realize that things are different. And we’re different.

But that’s OK. Becoming a mama and adjusting to motherhood changes make us realize how strong, brave, loving, compassionate, and amazing we are. Yes, life might have changed, and you might have changed, but you’re still you. Soon you will find balance as a new mom. Never forget who you are because you’re important, you’re special, and you matter.

You’re just also a mom now. And we’re so proud of you.

Do you feel like you lost your identity when you became a mom? Join the conversation over on our Instagram page and let us know.

At Titty City Design, we believe that every boobie is beautiful, and that should be celebrated. We are a female-owned and operated, small business here to spread self-love and body positivity with our line of boob apparel, boob accessories, and boob-themed decor and products for the home. A portion of our proceeds goes to help support postpartum people and breast cancer patients.