What is Mom Guilt and How to Kick it in the Butt for Good

Estimated read time: 8 minutes

Ok. Listen up Mama.

Being a mom is HARD! Yes. It’s also amazing, rewarding, and makes your heart so full you feel like it could burst into a million pieces. But. Damn. It can also be challenging, exhausting, frustrating, and downright scary.

We know.

And one of the main issues mamas find themselves facing is the dreaded mom guilt.

But, what is mom guilt? You know the kinda thing...

You feel guilty about what you feed them, how much or little (if at all) you breastfeed, whether they have too much screen time, whether your needing to go back to work will damage them, whether you going out for an hour on your own will traumatize them… yeah. We’ve all been there.

Well, fear not Mama. In this article, we’re going to shine a light on mom guilt, what you can do to help yourself, and why you need to let that load go.

What is mom guilt?

Have you ever felt like you’re not doing enough for your little ones? Or that the choices you make aren’t the right ones for raising them?

Mama, you aren’t alone. 

What is mom guilt? It’s the feeling, or even the gut-wrenching worry, that you should be doing more, or that you’re not a good enough mom. It can rear its head by causing you to compare yourself to others, or by making you feel like you’re not the mom you thought you would be. In fact – pretty much anything can cause it!

Mom guilt is something that affects us throughout our entire parenting journey. From the moment you see those two lines on a pregnancy test, right up until you’re little ones are all grown up and facing the world solo. Just ask your mom or grandma!

It grabs hold of us and gives us that awful feeling of not doing enough as a mom. Not doing the right thing, or making decisions that you think could mess your kids up – now and in the future.

Phew. Add that to your mother’s load. As if it’s not heavy enough. And worse still, it makes the tough job of being a mama even tougher. 

But, you know what? Mom guilt is 100% normal. A moment of feeling the mommy guilt now and then is something that happens to us all. But you need to learn to manage it, or it can cause mental damage and make you believe that you aren’t a good mom. Which is complete BS because Mama, you’re amazing.

So let’s conquer it, together. 

How to let go of your mom guilt

Mom guilt isn’t helpful or necessary. That pesky little voice can gnaw away at your confidence and your joy of being a mama.

So, let’s look at some typical examples of mom guilt, and the steps you can take to let it go. 

#1 Going back to work

This has got to be one of the top mom guilt offenders. Going back to work after you’ve had a baby. 

Sometimes, mamas go back a few weeks after giving birth, and sometimes it’s a few years. If you’re struggling with mom guilt because you’re headed back to work, then we know what you’re going through.

You have the guilt of leaving your little one with a family member or childcare provider. You feel like you don’t want to leave them at drop-off because your heart breaks (especially if they cry and reach out for you). And you spend the rest of your day with guilt eating you up inside, making you question if you’ve done the right thing. Made the right decision.

Sound familiar?

What can you do to help?

First, recognize that it’s OK to feel like this. Going back to work is a huge adjustment, both for you and your family. Know that worrying about your baby being apart from you won’t hurt their development.

Trust your caregiver and ask for updates during the day. Understand that most little ones flourish and thrive when a parent works, and they’ll be spending their days making new discoveries and having fun. 

The hard truth is, that going back to work is harder on you than it is on your child. So make sure you acknowledge your feelings and talk to people you trust. If you let those guilty thoughts take over, it can make you less efficient at your job, and you don’t want that.

Instead, enjoy your work, enjoy your day, and enjoy being able to have a hot cup of coffee. You worked hard for your career and you don’t need to lose it. 

#2 Breastfeeding

Now, this is a toughie because breastfeeding is one of the most awesome superpowers a mom can have. 

But a lot of breastfeeding mamas struggle with mom guilt because of outside influences. You might be the only breastfeeding mom in your circle of friends, or you might feel guilty because your little milk monster wants your Boobies more than a meal. Or perhaps it’s because you’re successfully feeding while your Breast Friend has had to stop because of breastfeeding struggles. 

What can you do?

Whatever the reason is, this is your journey. Breastfeeding is hard work, and if you’re still managing to do it for weeks, months, or years, you deserve to feel proud of it. 

Don’t let other voices, including the “oh, you’re STILL breastfeeding?” comments get you down. You and your babe are in this together, and if you’re both still loving it, there is absolutely no reason to stop. Celebrate your breastfeeding milestones and don't let anybody else make you feel like you’re anything less than the milk goddess you are.

#3 Not breastfeeding

Ooh, this one is a doozy!

People, friends, family, and even strangers just love to through in their thoughts and two cents about how your baby should be fed. 

You might have tried nursing and it didn’t feel right. You might have tried it for a few weeks and you struggled with pain or clogged ducts, and you just couldn’t take it. You might have felt from the start that breastfeeding just wasn’t for you.

And now you feel guilty because you feel like breastfeeding is something you should do, it should be easy, and surely, breast is best.

What can you do?

You know what mama?

FED is best! And support is best!

If you have a newborn, one of the most common questions is “are you breastfeeding?” But the truth is, a lot of mamas struggle to nurse, and some don’t want to at all. And that’s totally OK. 

You have to make the right choice for you and your baby, and if you’re feeling pain, discomfort, unhappiness, or exhaustion from nursing, then it’s your choice to continue or stop or to seek the help and support that you need. Because a happy mom means a happy baby, and if you’re not happy, don’t try and push yourself. You do what’s best for you – put yourself first. Your little one will still thrive, be happy, and develop as she should with a bottle. 

#4 Needing time to yourself

Hands up if you’ve ever rolled your eyes, cussed under your breath, or locked yourself away in the bathroom just to get a few minutes away from your kids?

You are definitely not alone!

Your kids are the apple of your eye. Your most precious gift and you love them unconditionally. But sometimes, they can get a little too much. Whether it’s backtalk from older kids, or constantly needing to be held by you when they’re tiny, sometimes…they can be a little annoying! And you need a time out.

And, of course, the minute you think that, the mom guilt hits. You tell yourself you shouldn’t be feeling this way. You’re supposed to love every second with your kids. That’s all you see on Instagram and Facebook after all.

What can you do?

Let’s be real for a second. 

You see all those gorgeous wholesome moments on social media because people only post the good things. Nobody posts the bad moments, the difficult times, the days when their kids are driving them round the bend.

That’s not real life.

It’s OK to want to spend a little time away from your kids. It’s OK to not want to watch Bluey for three hours with your toddler superglued to your lap. It’s OK to think hearing about Roblox is boring AF.

Don’t worry about it. Ask your partner to step in so you can step out. Call up a family member and ask them to watch the kids for an hour so you can enjoy some alone time. We’re all in this together mama, and your feelings are valid.

#5 Screen time

This one is probably at the top of most mama’s mom guilt list.

Screen time. Those minutes or hours where your little one is being entertained, not by you, but by the TV or a tablet. Yep. Peppa is in charge for the next hour.

And, OK. Too much screen time probably isn’t the best thing in the world for them, and sure. In an ideal world you’d be filling their days with non-stop arts and crafts, games, cooking together, and classes, but, let’s be real. No one has the time or the patience for that all day, every day. 

So, what do you do? You give them a tablet, you pop on Netflix, and you vacate to the kitchen to get yourself a drink and spend half an hour scrolling Instagram. Then… BOOM! Mom guilt hits.

What can you do?

Well, come on. Who doesn’t let their kids tune out in front of a screen a few times a day? You need a minute (or several) to yourself to get stuff done. Whether it’s housework, calling back a friend, or just having some alone time. And mama, you deserve it!

Even on those days where you have a load of stuff planned for them, you still need time for yourself. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You’re a mom, not Barney! And we bet even Barney needs a break now and then.

If the guilt is really bad then mix in some more educational videos into the mix, but don’t feel bad or guilty that the iPad is babysitting for the afternoon. Your kids will still be wonderful and you’ll feel better after having some time out.

Kick that mom guilt to the curb 

Because you are doing an amazing job mama. And we are so proud of you. 

No one said being a parent was easy, and with things like Instagram and TikTok showing off seemingly perfect families spending oodles of wholesome family fun together, it can be easy to let that mom guilt whack you upside the head.

Just know that as long as your little one goes to bed feeling loved and safe, you’re doing your job. And if you ever need to vent, scream, or cry, we’re here for you. Head over to the Titty City Design Instagram page and let’s help each other out.

 

At Titty City Design, we believe that every boobie is beautiful, and that should be celebrated. We are a female-owned and operated, small business here to spread self-love and body positivity with our line of products for the home. A portion of our proceeds goes to help support postpartum women and breast cancer patients.

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